"Here! Just. Paint. Already!" I found myself saying forcefully as I laid the third piece of paper in front of Claire. I sighed. She cried.
"No! The yellow one! Leave me alone!"
The tantrums these days. The defiance. The attitude. And the stubbornness. They leave me exhausted at the end of the day. And it's the mental form of exhaustion, not so much the physical. Raising a 3 year old is not for the faint of heart.
The truth? I was 5 stages past exhausted. My patience was next to nothing. It's the kind of day where all you want is for Daddy to get home from work and retreat to a hot bubble bath. Except for that Daddy was home from work sick that day. And I was scheduled to work that night. No rest happening that night.
So with Claire finally okay with her paper choice, and painting to her hearts content, I brewed a pot of coffee, poured myself a cup, and settled on the couch next to Hannah in her bouncer toy.
The very second my feet went up on the couch, I hear a cry and a scream of "Moooommmmmmmmyyyyy" from the kitchen. I ignore it for a second, hoping Claire would go back to painting.
"Mommmmyyyyy, I want different paints!"
After explaining that these were the only paints we had, another tantrum was thrown. Paint water was spilled. And time out was had. After that tantrum was finally under control, I retreated to my spot on the couch. The cup of coffee was already cold, and as soon as I had taken that sip to find out, Hannah was restless and crying.
Nope, no rest. All I could think was "I just want to be still for one second today!"
I finally retreated up to my room to get ready for work. Truthfully, it's a little exciting to leave for work when you are having a rough day with the kids. I'm sure every working mom knows that feeling! I put my feet up on my bed for the few minutes of stillness I craved all day and found this quote in my Instagram feed:
"The glory of motherhood comes camouflaged in so much chaos"
-Lisa Jo Baker
Y'all, motherhood is exhausting. I'd be completely lying if I said that raising two little girls wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done. It challenges me and pushes me to the brink every single day. There is so much chaos every single day. The above is just a snippet of my frustrations and exhaustion.
But there is also so much joy. The big huge joys like watching your child's face on Christmas morning. But there are also the smaller joys that I'm so guilty of overlooking everyday, because of the chaos.
If I wasn't so focused on having those moments to myself on the couch, I might have realized what a great painter Claire is turning into. She no longer paints like a toddler, but she is starting to paint within the lines.
If the chaos wasn't at the forefront of my feelings, I would have relished in the giggles and laughs that Hannah had for the first time in hours after her fever finally broke. But instead, I was yelling at my 3 year old out of frustrations, sighing at a baby who needed attention, and cursing at a cold cup of coffee.
Find the joy in the chaos, my friends. It helped turn my mood around, and changed my day for the better. Said tantrums still happened every 5 minute until I left for work, but I had a smile on my face and a little more patience.
And after all, who couldn't use a little more patience?
